Revelations from looking back.

I can't taste my Nutella Hot Chocolate. That was suppose to cheer me up after receiving the potentially disastrous news. Then I got to thinking, what would happen when I completely lose my senses of taste when I'm old? What if I lose them before i get old.

This was written as a draft in May 2012. I have no idea what this leads to, and I am curious as to what had happened that made me write it. Half of me regrets not writing the whole story down. Thoughts like "Why can't I have the drive to finish the things that I have started?" or "I really need to pen my thoughts down, this could seriously be a life altering lesson, and here it is, lost in transaction." Then again, if it is so life altering or such a revelation, why did I not remember it, 7 months later? So what about the other half? The other half is glad. Glad that whatever that made me wrote those sentences must be something shitty. Disastrously shitty from the looks of it. I only write when there's something bothering me. But apparently, 7 months later, I've forgotten what had bothered me. I'm glad because now,now I have a proof that whatever that can and will bother me, will pass, and I will forget about it, and as certain as time... ...Life goes on :)

Dedicated to the Sperm Donor

5 years.
5 years and I'm going to cut ties.
Tick-tock.Tick.

24 on 24

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
At twenty-three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory,
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take and
Exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.


A decade ago, I listened to this song. Wondered how being 23 would feel like. Tonight, I'm only few minutes shy of being 24, and I still wonder what it means being 23.

So where do I go after tonight?

Happiness

I think being happy is hard work.
That's why there's a lot of people who feels miserable.

If you're sad, you need a pick-me-up, right?
Talking to people to lighten up a burden, that needs a lot of courage, and effort.
Going out to do the things you love;
Photography, Movies, Rock-Climbing, running, reading, Driving at 180km/h.
That's hard.
Being happy also costs a lot of money.
Shopping therapy is not cheap.
Sometimes, the way for you to be happy is to solve your problem,
But it's so friggin hard. There's a lot of effort and emotions involved too.
Trying to be positive,
Man, that's the hardest. How do you do it when shit is falling from the sky left,right,and center?

But I'll tell you something,
The hard work pays off,
BIGTIME.

So get up, dust yourself off,
And Be, instead of Think.

Happy thoughts, anyone?

I love weddings and baby announcements. After all the shitty stuffs that you listen in the news, the shitty stuffs that you went through, seeing someone being blissfully happy....

...is infectious =)

Please give me a life time supply of happy stories! My mood is easily influenced, especially by happy stories. Dalam banyak-banyak happy, ada jugak ah soalan biasa;

"You bila pulak?"

Hahah, I don't mind one bit (for now) bila orang tanya. Probably because I'm loving my single and independant life too much to share it with anyone, right now. I believe that a woman's life will always be dependant. Before you get married till uni, you'll be taken care of your father, after you get married, your husband. So when are you really gonna have a me time?

"Career, career jugak, but it's important that you start a family too."

Probably, but not now. I just can't imagine myself being a soccer mum, and spending most of my time tending to a husband and children. Probably one day, but not now.

While others are dreaming of a perfect husband, I'm dreaming of a perfect vacation. How can you be a good wife when you're still toying with the idea of having a summer fling in Europe and eating space brownies?

Sangat tak sesuai.

Maybe i have different and awkwars priorities compared to other girls. Ever since I was little, while other girls were dreaming of being a princess, I wanted to be Optimus Prime. While other girls are giggling over their school crushes and plannning their perfect wedding, I planned to take over the world, and the key to total world domination was Prince William being gay. (No joke, this was my plan when I was 12)

Right now, total world domination sounds more inviting.Hehe.

Untitled 2

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and maybe, just maybe,
it's about time we put those that belongs in the past in a box.

You know, kinda like the box where you'd put all the Christmas lights.
Only to be opened on special occasions,
Tangled and all.

"You're a lot of work, and you're messed up,I'm glad I only need to deal with you once in a year."
Yeah, that's you.

Toodles, I'm off to buy a new lamp.
Bright, easy to operate, and does not cost as much.

Untitled

When all else failed me,
Literature won't.

Dear Words,
Thank you for not leaving me,
When others did.

Random Rant at 3:49

I'm tired.
I think you should stop playing the victim card.
I think you should stop putting yourself high up in the pedestal.
I think it's obvious that you give credits to your "charity" more than you truly earn.

I had an epiphany just now. It's funny how you tend to think that the whole world is against you; that the whole world doesn't understand where you are coming from. Funnier still, this is probably the same thoughts echoed by 6,852,472,823 people.

Assuming that the notion is true, this is some seriously messed up and lonely world that we live in. But is it really?


I've known people who'd given up their jacket for a freezing child, and they end up having a pneumonia.

I have known young gentlemen who'd stop their cars for random old strangers that are walking and gave them a lift.

I've read about a Chinese who tried to rescue a Malay couple from an accident only to end up being killed by a hit and run driver.

I've heard of good Samaritan that had returned valuables and refused to receive the compensation, and only said; "God will reward me."

What I'm trying to say here is that, the world is not a bad place to live in, and generally, people are OK. What is not OK however, is how you perceive people. Just because you are mistreated by one person, you do not have to lash it out on others.

I realised that people (me included) always tend to over-exaggerate their acts of kindness, and sometimes refuses to see the good things or assistance that others have given them. No wonder we are seeing it from a skewed point of view, you feel like you have done a lot for people, but people don't help you out.

We can never be further from the truth.

And if you helped someone, and somewhere along the lines, you got back stabbed, or the person had hurt you in some way please stop saying things like "I helped her/him out cause I felt sorry,blablabla, and this is what I get". If you want to rant about it, no need to help, you are in no obligation to do so.

Be honest to yourself. You only say that cause you want to make yourself feel that you are a better person than the person that hurts you.

I'm also tired of your two-face, but that's a different story.

Mrs Chong :')

This amazing advertisement made me reminisce my time in school. I have to admit, the Malaysian education sucks big time, it is designed to produce mindless drones that regurgitates whatever that is in those Sasbadi books, or the other hundreds of reference books that we have. In school, to have a different idea than the rest of the kids is frowned upon, or at least an empathic smile will be given to you, a smile that says, "I get what you're saying, and it's brilliant, but brilliance won't get you an A". In this insane system, the Mrs Chongs out there made it alright,and thanks to them (and prayers from many others), I managed to survive the education system, and as us Malays would like to say, "jadi orang".

I remembered my kindergarten teacher, Mrs Moon, who'll make jokes out of her name, and asks us questions that we never know the answer like what is the Solar System? (I knew the answer, and I was freaking proud about it, when she was pleased about it.) Mrs Moon taught me the value of curiosity, of knowledge, and of sharing ideas, experience and knowledge even when others are annoyed by you cause you came across as a pompous nerd who can't stop talking about what she knew.

Another prominent figure was Puan Maria, my hometeacher in Standard 3. She's an all rounder scary person. I remembered her threatening to cut a kid's fingers off with a Swiss Army knife if he ever stole from his parents again. Whenever I thought of her, one incident came to my mind. We were organising a class party, and a Chinese friend was asked to bring baked potatoes. I voiced out my concerns whether it's OK to eat whatever the non muslims are bringing(eh, I was 9 at that time, I know nothing of tajdid :P), and she had that horrified look, and went on and on about the importance of living together as Malaysians, and not according to our race, and one of her story was about how she had to lodge a police report. When it comes to fill in the Bangsa portion of the report, she wrote down "Malaysia". The policeman told her bangsa refers to her race (which is Chinese), and she insisted that no, her Bangsa is Bangsa Malaysia.

Pn Maria taught me about embracing others regardless of their religion and ethnicity. Whenever I see that small badge that says "Saya Bangsa Malaysia" pinned on my Nikon bag, my thoughts will be aboout her, and I can't believe how much a Standard 3 teacher had so huge impact on my life. How in the world did I get so many life lessons at such a young age? She made me believe that I wasn't the stupid girl that my previous hometeacher told me I was, she taught me that hard work pays, and she taught me the lesson of holding on to my dignity as a woman, and not to let others take advantage of me.

Pn Tengku taught me about discipline, etiquette and image is important.

Pn Mazliza opened up my eyes to the wonderful world of literature, and made me believe that there is no right or wrong way of looking into art (and in a larger scope, the concept of ebauty).

Pn Shalini and Miss Fiza nurtured my love for writing and embracing the weird side of me.

The Ustazahs, of course tought me how to live a simple life and embracing my religion.

Pn Ting made me fell in love with history. She challenges everything about Islam out loud (she's a devout Christians), and that made her unpopular among the Malays. But what she did for me was to spark my passion in Islam, and learning more about my own religion, just so I can defend my religion during the next debate rounds =). She cultivated my passion for debates.

Of course there are many other teachers that had done so much for me, but too bad, they have an ungrateful student who has a hard time of remembering names X(

These individuals are unique, and really are a gem. I thank God to have the chance to experience their marah/maki/cubit/pukul/denda. I am proud of who I am now, and as cliched as it sounds, I won't be who I am if it's not for these people. It just saddens me that future generations won't be able to get the quality teachers that I used to have. Kalau ada pun, asal kena jentik sikit, the brats of today will go running back to their parents, and these bongok parents will strut to the school sambil bagi ayat klise; "Cikgu, saya pun tak pernah pukul anak saya, cikgu siapa nak pukul?"

Hok alohh, sebab ko tak pukul la anak ko jadi setan. When I was a kid, if I ever complain that I got slapped/pinched by a teacher, what I get is another slap/pinch from my parents, cause they always believe that the teachers are right, and they'll punish me for a reason, and that gives them a good enough reason to slap me too.LOL.

Sebab tu lah aku jadi orang.

Story of An Artist- M.Ward

listen up and i'll tell a story
about an artist growing old
some would try for fame and glory
others aren't so bold

and everyone in friends and family
sayin "hey go get a job
why do you only do that only
why are you so odd?

"and we dont really like what you do
we dont think anyone ever will
we think you have a problem
and this problem's made you ill"

the artist walks among the flowers
appreciating the sun
he's out there all his waking hours
oh and who's to say he's wrong

but the artist walks alone
and someone says behind his back
"he's got some gall to call himself that
he doesn't even know where he's at"

and they sit in front of their tv
sayin "hey isn't this a lot of fun"
and they laugh at the artist
saying "he don't know how to have fun"

listen up and i'll tell a story
about an artist growin old
some would try for fame and glory
others like to watch the world

Now Year's Resolution

Nope, the title wasn't a typo. I think it's a waste of good resolution if we label things as New Year's Resolution. It gave the impression that you have one year to figure things out and start moving your ass around. Saying it as a Now Year creates a sense of urgency and making sure I keep to my own promises. Thought of writing it down since uhh, well, Melayu mudah lupa.

1. To sleep in early without worrying about tomorrow's tragedy no matter how imminent it will be.

2. Stop procrastinating my work and postponing the things that I love.

3. Go to gym more often. (I promise I'll try Ammu!)

4. Be more disciplined with my Ibadah

5. Manage my finances well. No more small rewards! Go for the Big Kahuna!!!

6. Cut down on the times where I feel sorry for myself. Seriously, you hardly have the time or energy to think about your sad sob stories, Amy.

7. Cut down on my time on Facebook. I've seen what it does to people. It was such a wake up call :/

OK, off to sleep!

Haram Police & Sheikhs in A Plane

tak perlu komen apa-apa. Nicely done, Ummahfilms!!

------------------------

Two Sheikhs were on a flight. They saw a women who is inapproriately dressed and just assumed she must've been a Non-Muslim.



This is the text of the video:

((I remember that once I was on a plane from Britain with one of the Sheikhs who appears on a channel [in Saudi]. Whilst we were coming, we were sat in the plane. There was a British man next to us on a chair. Next to him was a woman like him, and she dressed like very inappropriately. She was reading an English book. I said to myself that she must be his wife or girlfriend or daughter or something. I too was reading a book. Sometimes, I used to talk with my colleague.
The sun set whilst we were on the plane. I said to my colleague, Abu Abdallah, shall we read Salah here, or should we read when we get there?
He said, No. There are two hours left [for Maghrib]. Lets read when we get to Riyadh.
I said ok. I continued to read the book.
Suddenly, this woman stood up, opened the overhead compartment, took out her bag, took out her Abaya and her scarf from it, wore them and read Maghrib, even after having been dressed inappropriately!
I said, I testify there is none worthy of worship but Allah, and that Muhammad is His Messenger.
Abu Abdallah said to me, Look shes praying! I said: yes, she is!
I said, shame on our reputation! We are Mutawwa` (religious), but she is praying on the plane!? Get up and lets pray!
We stood up to pray, and she had finished. She returned her Abaya and scarf to the overhead compartment and sat. I went to her and said, May Allah bless you. May Allah reward you...
Of course, I was NOT looking at her when I was speaking to her. I was NOT looking at her. I say this so that nobody comes up and says that the Sheikh gave her took his time when giving her advice, because she was very pretty and when she said that I have understood you so stop! I replied No, you have to understand my advice more! [i.e. none of this happened.]
Whatever is in front of you, then maybe it may have the signs of sin in it, but realise that it may have good in it. Perhaps there is 90% bad, but there is 10% good. So expand this 10% and treat it as 50%. Dont say [to such a person] that You are a sinner/transgressor. because this will decrease that 10% of good. Consider the good to be more. Perhaps Allah shall rectify this person at your hands.))

This reminds me of a friend of mine. Yes, she has done many mistakes that is forbidden in religion, and I disapproved of it. Maybe I was being harsh when I told her off, but she said something very humbling "Yes, I did something very sinful, but this sin does not define my entire being"

Always assume the best of others.

I remind myself, before I remind others.

rambling away

1. Today is my first day in my job rotation. Product Development macam sangat best and interesting. Tapi macam byk kerja and byk scope. Tapi best sebab dia byk kerja. tapi tak best sebab dia banyak kerja. APAKAH???!! Kerja makin bertimbun, stres pun makin bertimbun. Tapi masih lagi rasa seronok. Omaigod, make up your mind.

2. I'm developing a taste for architecture and design. Woohooo!

3. What is wrong with people these days. So freaking obsessed with Illuminatis and the End of the Day i.e: Kiamat. Look, I'm not denying that Kiamat exist. Memang aku percaya habis la kan, Rukun Iman kot. In fact, to a certain degree, I do feel the Judgement Day is getting closer. So what are you gonna do about it? Run around in circles and tear you hair out? What I do not agree is people SPECULATING when is it gonna happen. Some are just freaking outrageous. You see Muslims believing 2012 is Kiamat. Just now I saw a friend posting on FB a link saying that Kiamat is gonna be in 2066 or whatevs cause ada hadith "sahih" kata Umat Rasullullah can only last 1500 years. Sorry, but in the article there's nothing that quotes the hadith. As long as it is not in the Koran and hadith, I am in no obligation to believe in it, let alone this is just some random article from the Internet. You can't even tell the writer's credibility. For all you know, it's some mad zionist getting a kick seeing Muslims getting reeled up on lies. Probably he's a Muslim with no knowledge at all pun.

4. Aku tak marah orang yang baca, Tapi aku marah si penulis tu. I understand your intentions. You wanna spread awareness so people can repent and stuffs, but don't you think benda ni dah terpesong aqidah? As far as I know, even Rasullullah does not know when is the date of Kiamah, so how can us mere mortals know? Yeah, yeah, put in whatever scientific revelations, but it is still SECOND HAND INFORMATION. Pass me the link to the supposed scientific research, give me the reference to the hadith. When I say reference, kasilah sanad dia sekali.Then we can start talking. Ni tak. Whoever the writer is, he/she just states that it is from a reliable hadith. Kalau reliable, apsal tak taruk reference? You have that responsibility as a writer. What you claim is heavy stuff, dude. Nak pulak orang Islam sekarang asal nampak title religion je, terus percaya sebab takut nanti salah la, kafir la, apalah.

5. I always wonder about this, kalau taubat semata sebab takut, taubat tu ikhlas ke? I don't know, just asking.

6. Don't let me start on the Illuminati craze. Bapak bangang.

Statistics 101:
On the scale of 0 to 1, 0 being the possibility of an occurence will never happen and 1 is the certainty that an occurence will definitely happen. Where does the Illuminati shebang stand?

Answer: Between 0 to 1.

Why?

I cant possibly prove that they don't exist, but neither can I definitely prove that they exist to destroy the souls of mankind or whatevs. The probability of 1(100%) will mean, in my definition, this bozos from the Illuminati club comes up to us and say "Hey, saya seorang Illuminatus, tujuan saya panggil mokcik2 dan pokcik2 disini sebab nak bagitau saya nak bawak keluar Dajal dengan mengeluarkan iklan2 dan logo2 syarikat yang ada pyramid/ satu mata. Harap maklum."

Kalau derang wujud pun kau nak buat apa? rilek-rilek je la. Ni ko obses ngan derang, tak ke derang dah menang.Pastu tambah lagi dengan segala prediction merepek meraban tu.

8. Aku makin hangin bila ada yang tanya, apsal ko suka nak cari kerja ngan Yahudi/Cina/Illuminati? Jawapan ringkas: that's where the money's at bitches. Lagipun, apa yang ko boleh belajar dari kerja yang "senang"? Memang ada lessons dia, tapi ko tak belajar dengan meluas/mendalam. Ko kerja ngan Yahudi, ko boleh tau apa yg buat dia successful, so praktis la balik. Bukan semua benda dari orang lain jahat. Serious aku cakap, bila kerja ngan Nestle dulu masa praktikal, apa yang aku belajar dalam masa 3 bulan tu mungkin lebih berharga dari aku kerja 3 tahun kat tempat yang kasi keselesaan kat aku semata-mata sebab aku dilahirkan kaler coklat. Biar ko kena maki/rasa insecure/stress separuh mati sekarang, asal kau ada ilmu kemudian hari.

Sekian.

Smokey Robinson

Imagine the number of babies that were conceived from this song. Why can't they make good songs like this anymore. Ni tak habis-habis sex,party,drugs, sex, girls,bling-bling,more sex, kill, kill, kill, die,die,die.

Record labels, I would like to have music back, please.

time ni..

Masa tengah stres ngan kerja
Presentation cuak bagai nak mati
Rasa insecure bertubi-tubi (haha, dah jadi pantun!!)
teringat kiwi

Rasa happy.



Maori culture 101. This is Moru. Moru is inspired by the shape of an unfurling fern, signifying reborn, or birth of a new life. I fell in love with the symbol once I knew the meaning behind it and bought one. I've never taken it off after the trip. Entah kenapa di bukak one day, and I start being careless with it and lost the necklace. Dammit, I feel like I need it now more than any time else.

Muslim Demographics

I'm in a mood for a lot of videos nowadays. Assuming that whatever that is in this video is true, this is such a whooooaaaaaa moment.



So here's what i get from this video.

1. The number of Muslims in the world is increasing. Alhamdulillah.

2. No wonder there are many attacks on Islam lately. I always wonder why these people are so hateful to Muslims, so now, I have my answer. They are afraid. Afraid that the world as they believe should be won't be around in the nest few decades.

3. Other people is planning to counter these growth. What are they doing?
a) Bad PR for Islam and Muslims
b) Increasing their efforts in evangelizing their ideologies.
c) generally trying to break our spirit in our Faith.
Which is all fair, in retrospect really. They believe that truth is on their side, we believe that truth is on our side. Fair game.

4. What we should do?
a) keep the supply up, keep the babies coming people!
b) Increase in supply is important. Increase in the quality Muslims is important too.
c) educate the Muslims that the faith is not a lost cause. Be true to the religion, and all that lah.

5. Seriously people, the answer does not lie in terrorism. It lies in us understanding the beauty of this peaceful religion. Come whatever provocation, maintain your cool, practice our religion just like how it should be practised. With kindness and a logic reasoning.

Kimi wa boku no tomodachi :)

I love the message in this song! Even when I passed this song to my non-Japanese freak friends, they agreed that it was the sweetest song. I guess it's true what the video is portraying, even if the whole world is against you, what matters is the relationship that you have with that other person. eisyyy, Ken Hirai's work has the tendency to make me cry!

It's amazing how music breaks language barrier. The first time I heard Ken Hirai's song was during an opening for a J-dorama, Love Revolution. I thought man this guy could sing. So I checked out his other songs. Love, love, love and Rakuen (which means Heaven in Jap) really speaks to me even without me understanding a thing that he said. Memang dalam hati ada taman lah when I hear him sing Love,love,love!! And yes, I cried when I heard Rakuen even before I got the translation to that song. His voice is able to translate the core meaning of the songs. Seriously, he is one of the best singers in my opinion.



*wipe tears*

Money CAN buy you happiness

Money can by you happiness.
It has been proven that money can even by you a soul
If it's the right price.

Damn me and my virtuous dignity.

Kalaulah..

Kalaulah dakwah cara mengaib dan memaki orang tu berkesan,
Dah lama dah Malaysia jadi negara paling Islamik,
Sebab kita ada Mastika dan Pesona dan whatever.

Kalaulah betul semua orang yang bencikan mungkar,
Pergi sound orang yang mungkar tu depan-depan,
bukannya setakat bersembunyi di sebalik skrin,
Takda maknanya budak-budak ni berani nak buat.

Tapi hakikatnya?
"fikir sendiri", kata ayahku.

Biar betul lu berani nak sound derang.
Aku tengok paling berani pun takat geleng kepala je.
Balik rumah mengumpat.
Pastu tepuk bahu sendiri,
"Alhamdulillah, aku tak macam tu."

Karang kalau anak korang jadi camtu,
aku tukang tepuk tangan je.
*clap clap*

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

I was browsing through some of the pictures in FB, and I came across the kad raya that I gave to Malin and in brought back fond memories..BABE, I RINDU YOU!!!!!hahah