September 26, 2010

Creatures of Habit (Part 1)

If you don't want to read preachy stuff, skip this. Actually, scratch that, you need to read this.

No matter how incredibly messed up your life is right now, you would still like to think that you have certain boundaries. Boundaries that you will never cross. I'm sure all of us have that justification that tries to convince others, and more importantly, ourselves, that hey, you're not a complete loss. Stuffs like,

"I drink but at least I don't do drugs"
"I do drugs, but at least I don't sell"
"I sell drugs, but at least I don't sell it to kids"

But what if, one day, you decide to say "Screw it, just this once"? Let's play up a situation, shall we?

Ali swore that all though he goes clubbing often, he would never touch the notorious air kencing setan. "Wehh, aku tau la perangai aku cuma mulia sikit je dari perangai setan, tapi aku memang TAK AKAN minumlah. Aku masih ada agama."

Never say never.

It looks like harmless fun. I mean, he has been trying to avoid it since he started hanging out with his friends. His friends called him anti-social, accusing him of not living in the moment, rationalising by saying "ko tak minum pun, ko rasa ko masuk syurga ke? Tengok ah, kat neraka pon ko jiran dengan aku jugak."

Enter his 21st Birthday Celebration.

"Dude, you just have to drink, It's your birthday!"

"Well, OK, just this once". Ali drank his inaugural alcoholic beverage with guilt. Thoughts like I shouldn't, how am I suppose to face my parents, how am I suppose to answer to God were in his mind. He mentally sworn off alcohols, and probably spent the next day,or even weeks contemplating about the mistake that he did.

Moving on, a few months since after the incident had passed. He went out for another night of fun, and the same thing happened. Friends coaxed him, he relented, feeling a bit guilty. Repeat steps. Repeat steps until one day, his friends stopped coaxing him. Why? because he has successfully taken his own initiative of ordering that drink without anyone's help.

"Ala, aku cuma minum sikit je, and only on special occasions". At this point, I would like to ask you, what happenned to his conscience? You know, the one that has been bugging him when he first take that first drink?

Soon, Ali starts to invent "special occasions" to drink. After running out of special occasions, he decided to throw excuses out, and start drinking on a regular basis. Air kencing setan yang selama ni dia sumpah tamau minum dah jadi macam air Coke. In fact, Coke pun dia jarang minum. "Gila kau, nak kena diabetes? Hari tu aku tgk YouTube, derang pakai Coke nak cuci jamban, kau tau?" said Ali.

Haaaaa...panjang kan cerita ni? Apa motif? ada orang terasa ke sekarang? yang rasa diri dia tu tak terasa tu, apa ko buat? mengangguk kepala tanda setuju sambil berkata "tulah, padan muka org yg minum tu, kan dah kene tepek kat muka!"?

Post ini bukanlah untuk menghentam orang yang kaki minum. It's just a general observation on the things that we have done. Look at one vice of yours, and try to remember, how did it all start? Was the situation something similar to the above's situation? If so, why did it have to go like this? Why do we keep on repeating the same thing?

Ever watched City of Gods? The part where they explained Knockout Ned's penchant for murder?

The first time . . .
. . .Knockout Ned saved a dealer from Redhead.
We said no killings. It's a rule!
The second time, Redhead saved Knockout Ned.
Knockout Ned learned that rules have exceptions.
An exception .
the third time, the exception became a rule.

So what happens when we finally cross our imaginary boundaries?

I remind myself, before I remind others.

September 13, 2010

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

They kept saying that you're here, there, somewhere. Dude, give it up already. You're being as elusive as ever, and it stopped being funny ages ago. Can you just come out of your hiding? People say you're awesome and I kinda need some help fighting these demons away. Pretty, please?

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

Today, the Demons introduced me to another demon. What a surpirse, it was inside me all along! Most of the time, I can ignore them, you know, treat them like white noise. But there are days when they scare the living lights off me (Get it, get it? LOL). I told them to play somewhere else, but man, are they persistent or what??!! Their tagteam games are brutal. Just sayin. By the way, did you get my messages before?

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

OK, I'm starting to think that you might not exist. But whatever, here's the deal. I'll fight them, and whatever that comes my way, not because of some Herculean strength that I have, not because I'm optimistic that I could win, but because I have to. I'll do this with or without anyone's help, for as long as I can (and I bet you, it will be a long time). I'll trudge my way along this path until I found you, and hell, if I don't, I'll still, most definitely, will make it through, hopefully with limbs and mind still intact. Damn, that's a lot of unnecessary commas and clauses.

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

You better be worth all these fights.