Dedicated to the Sperm Donor

5 years.
5 years and I'm going to cut ties.
Tick-tock.Tick.

24 on 24

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
At twenty-three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory,
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take and
Exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.


A decade ago, I listened to this song. Wondered how being 23 would feel like. Tonight, I'm only few minutes shy of being 24, and I still wonder what it means being 23.

So where do I go after tonight?

Happiness

I think being happy is hard work.
That's why there's a lot of people who feels miserable.

If you're sad, you need a pick-me-up, right?
Talking to people to lighten up a burden, that needs a lot of courage, and effort.
Going out to do the things you love;
Photography, Movies, Rock-Climbing, running, reading, Driving at 180km/h.
That's hard.
Being happy also costs a lot of money.
Shopping therapy is not cheap.
Sometimes, the way for you to be happy is to solve your problem,
But it's so friggin hard. There's a lot of effort and emotions involved too.
Trying to be positive,
Man, that's the hardest. How do you do it when shit is falling from the sky left,right,and center?

But I'll tell you something,
The hard work pays off,
BIGTIME.

So get up, dust yourself off,
And Be, instead of Think.

Happy thoughts, anyone?

I love weddings and baby announcements. After all the shitty stuffs that you listen in the news, the shitty stuffs that you went through, seeing someone being blissfully happy....

...is infectious =)

Please give me a life time supply of happy stories! My mood is easily influenced, especially by happy stories. Dalam banyak-banyak happy, ada jugak ah soalan biasa;

"You bila pulak?"

Hahah, I don't mind one bit (for now) bila orang tanya. Probably because I'm loving my single and independant life too much to share it with anyone, right now. I believe that a woman's life will always be dependant. Before you get married till uni, you'll be taken care of your father, after you get married, your husband. So when are you really gonna have a me time?

"Career, career jugak, but it's important that you start a family too."

Probably, but not now. I just can't imagine myself being a soccer mum, and spending most of my time tending to a husband and children. Probably one day, but not now.

While others are dreaming of a perfect husband, I'm dreaming of a perfect vacation. How can you be a good wife when you're still toying with the idea of having a summer fling in Europe and eating space brownies?

Sangat tak sesuai.

Maybe i have different and awkwars priorities compared to other girls. Ever since I was little, while other girls were dreaming of being a princess, I wanted to be Optimus Prime. While other girls are giggling over their school crushes and plannning their perfect wedding, I planned to take over the world, and the key to total world domination was Prince William being gay. (No joke, this was my plan when I was 12)

Right now, total world domination sounds more inviting.Hehe.

Untitled 2

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and maybe, just maybe,
it's about time we put those that belongs in the past in a box.

You know, kinda like the box where you'd put all the Christmas lights.
Only to be opened on special occasions,
Tangled and all.

"You're a lot of work, and you're messed up,I'm glad I only need to deal with you once in a year."
Yeah, that's you.

Toodles, I'm off to buy a new lamp.
Bright, easy to operate, and does not cost as much.

Untitled

When all else failed me,
Literature won't.

Dear Words,
Thank you for not leaving me,
When others did.

Random Rant at 3:49

I'm tired.
I think you should stop playing the victim card.
I think you should stop putting yourself high up in the pedestal.
I think it's obvious that you give credits to your "charity" more than you truly earn.

I had an epiphany just now. It's funny how you tend to think that the whole world is against you; that the whole world doesn't understand where you are coming from. Funnier still, this is probably the same thoughts echoed by 6,852,472,823 people.

Assuming that the notion is true, this is some seriously messed up and lonely world that we live in. But is it really?


I've known people who'd given up their jacket for a freezing child, and they end up having a pneumonia.

I have known young gentlemen who'd stop their cars for random old strangers that are walking and gave them a lift.

I've read about a Chinese who tried to rescue a Malay couple from an accident only to end up being killed by a hit and run driver.

I've heard of good Samaritan that had returned valuables and refused to receive the compensation, and only said; "God will reward me."

What I'm trying to say here is that, the world is not a bad place to live in, and generally, people are OK. What is not OK however, is how you perceive people. Just because you are mistreated by one person, you do not have to lash it out on others.

I realised that people (me included) always tend to over-exaggerate their acts of kindness, and sometimes refuses to see the good things or assistance that others have given them. No wonder we are seeing it from a skewed point of view, you feel like you have done a lot for people, but people don't help you out.

We can never be further from the truth.

And if you helped someone, and somewhere along the lines, you got back stabbed, or the person had hurt you in some way please stop saying things like "I helped her/him out cause I felt sorry,blablabla, and this is what I get". If you want to rant about it, no need to help, you are in no obligation to do so.

Be honest to yourself. You only say that cause you want to make yourself feel that you are a better person than the person that hurts you.

I'm also tired of your two-face, but that's a different story.

Mrs Chong :')

This amazing advertisement made me reminisce my time in school. I have to admit, the Malaysian education sucks big time, it is designed to produce mindless drones that regurgitates whatever that is in those Sasbadi books, or the other hundreds of reference books that we have. In school, to have a different idea than the rest of the kids is frowned upon, or at least an empathic smile will be given to you, a smile that says, "I get what you're saying, and it's brilliant, but brilliance won't get you an A". In this insane system, the Mrs Chongs out there made it alright,and thanks to them (and prayers from many others), I managed to survive the education system, and as us Malays would like to say, "jadi orang".

I remembered my kindergarten teacher, Mrs Moon, who'll make jokes out of her name, and asks us questions that we never know the answer like what is the Solar System? (I knew the answer, and I was freaking proud about it, when she was pleased about it.) Mrs Moon taught me the value of curiosity, of knowledge, and of sharing ideas, experience and knowledge even when others are annoyed by you cause you came across as a pompous nerd who can't stop talking about what she knew.

Another prominent figure was Puan Maria, my hometeacher in Standard 3. She's an all rounder scary person. I remembered her threatening to cut a kid's fingers off with a Swiss Army knife if he ever stole from his parents again. Whenever I thought of her, one incident came to my mind. We were organising a class party, and a Chinese friend was asked to bring baked potatoes. I voiced out my concerns whether it's OK to eat whatever the non muslims are bringing(eh, I was 9 at that time, I know nothing of tajdid :P), and she had that horrified look, and went on and on about the importance of living together as Malaysians, and not according to our race, and one of her story was about how she had to lodge a police report. When it comes to fill in the Bangsa portion of the report, she wrote down "Malaysia". The policeman told her bangsa refers to her race (which is Chinese), and she insisted that no, her Bangsa is Bangsa Malaysia.

Pn Maria taught me about embracing others regardless of their religion and ethnicity. Whenever I see that small badge that says "Saya Bangsa Malaysia" pinned on my Nikon bag, my thoughts will be aboout her, and I can't believe how much a Standard 3 teacher had so huge impact on my life. How in the world did I get so many life lessons at such a young age? She made me believe that I wasn't the stupid girl that my previous hometeacher told me I was, she taught me that hard work pays, and she taught me the lesson of holding on to my dignity as a woman, and not to let others take advantage of me.

Pn Tengku taught me about discipline, etiquette and image is important.

Pn Mazliza opened up my eyes to the wonderful world of literature, and made me believe that there is no right or wrong way of looking into art (and in a larger scope, the concept of ebauty).

Pn Shalini and Miss Fiza nurtured my love for writing and embracing the weird side of me.

The Ustazahs, of course tought me how to live a simple life and embracing my religion.

Pn Ting made me fell in love with history. She challenges everything about Islam out loud (she's a devout Christians), and that made her unpopular among the Malays. But what she did for me was to spark my passion in Islam, and learning more about my own religion, just so I can defend my religion during the next debate rounds =). She cultivated my passion for debates.

Of course there are many other teachers that had done so much for me, but too bad, they have an ungrateful student who has a hard time of remembering names X(

These individuals are unique, and really are a gem. I thank God to have the chance to experience their marah/maki/cubit/pukul/denda. I am proud of who I am now, and as cliched as it sounds, I won't be who I am if it's not for these people. It just saddens me that future generations won't be able to get the quality teachers that I used to have. Kalau ada pun, asal kena jentik sikit, the brats of today will go running back to their parents, and these bongok parents will strut to the school sambil bagi ayat klise; "Cikgu, saya pun tak pernah pukul anak saya, cikgu siapa nak pukul?"

Hok alohh, sebab ko tak pukul la anak ko jadi setan. When I was a kid, if I ever complain that I got slapped/pinched by a teacher, what I get is another slap/pinch from my parents, cause they always believe that the teachers are right, and they'll punish me for a reason, and that gives them a good enough reason to slap me too.LOL.

Sebab tu lah aku jadi orang.

Story of An Artist- M.Ward

listen up and i'll tell a story
about an artist growing old
some would try for fame and glory
others aren't so bold

and everyone in friends and family
sayin "hey go get a job
why do you only do that only
why are you so odd?

"and we dont really like what you do
we dont think anyone ever will
we think you have a problem
and this problem's made you ill"

the artist walks among the flowers
appreciating the sun
he's out there all his waking hours
oh and who's to say he's wrong

but the artist walks alone
and someone says behind his back
"he's got some gall to call himself that
he doesn't even know where he's at"

and they sit in front of their tv
sayin "hey isn't this a lot of fun"
and they laugh at the artist
saying "he don't know how to have fun"

listen up and i'll tell a story
about an artist growin old
some would try for fame and glory
others like to watch the world

Now Year's Resolution

Nope, the title wasn't a typo. I think it's a waste of good resolution if we label things as New Year's Resolution. It gave the impression that you have one year to figure things out and start moving your ass around. Saying it as a Now Year creates a sense of urgency and making sure I keep to my own promises. Thought of writing it down since uhh, well, Melayu mudah lupa.

1. To sleep in early without worrying about tomorrow's tragedy no matter how imminent it will be.

2. Stop procrastinating my work and postponing the things that I love.

3. Go to gym more often. (I promise I'll try Ammu!)

4. Be more disciplined with my Ibadah

5. Manage my finances well. No more small rewards! Go for the Big Kahuna!!!

6. Cut down on the times where I feel sorry for myself. Seriously, you hardly have the time or energy to think about your sad sob stories, Amy.

7. Cut down on my time on Facebook. I've seen what it does to people. It was such a wake up call :/

OK, off to sleep!