Quarter-life Crisis

1. Dulu masa kau sekolah kau pandai mencebik bibir bila mak tak bagi party sampai lewat malam. Kau mula berazam "hmmpphhh, bila dah 21 nanti, aku tak nak balik pun mama tak boleh kata apa-apa sebab aku dah besar dan kaya-raya". Masuk umur 23, kawan ajak lepak pergi mamak pun kau kasi warning awal-awal "Ok kot, tapi I kena balik sebelum pukul 12, esok kerja". Oh, kau juga belum kaya raya. Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



2. Dulu masa sekolah kau rasa Modestos dah up gila babs dan Bangsar tu happening gila la (masa Form 2, Bangsar masih kira cool). Sekarang Modestos dah tutup, dan kau cuma pergi Bangsar sebab ada satu kedai tu nasi daun pisang dia mantap gila. Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



3.Dulu masa kau sekolah, kau tak sabar nak kerja, sebab nak pegang duit sendiri. Sekarang kau dah bekerja kau perasan kau tak sempat pun nak pegang duit, sebab duit kau rajin berkelana ke tangan orang lain. Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



4. Dulu masa kau sekolah, kiri kanan orang bagi nasihat jangan ada teman lelaki, semua tu tak elok, dosa, kau kecik lagi. Sekarang, kau belum lagi sempat upload gambar konvokesyen kau dalam fb, sedara-mara sudah mula bertanya "Bila nak kahwin?". Pastu kau rasa cam nak muntah dengar soalan ni. Inilah Quarter Life Crisis.



5. Dulu masa kau sekolah, bila kau tak puas hati pasal big bosses, kau kata "haisssyyy, cam ni ke duit mak bapak aku digunakan?". Sekarang, bila kau tak puas hati, kau kata "haisyyy, camni ke duit aku digunakan? Wait a minute, DUIT AKU????FATAFAKKKKK!!! $#@(*&@^&!%".Inilah Quarter Life Crisis.



6. Dulu masa sekolah, kau optimistik gila nak selamatkan dunia. Sekarang, nak percaya kau mampu selamatkan diri sendiri pun susah. Inilah Quarter Life Crisis.



7. Dulu masa sekolah, kau rasa buat benda jahat tu seronok gila. Sekarang ni, kau tengok orang yang masih hanyut kau geleng kepala pastu kata "bilalah, derang ni nak grow up". Pastu, kau pun tersedar yang hakikatnya, kau pun tadelah se-grown up mana. Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



8. Kau mula rasa otak berserabut sebab banyak gila benda kau kena fikir sebab tanggungjawab mula bertambah. Nak kasi beban lagi, kau rasa kawan kau dah tak kisah pasal kau. Di situ kau silap. Bukannya orang tak kisah, tapi mereka sendiri ada masalah yang derang kena tanggung. Kawan- kawan kau semua sedang melalui benda yang sama macam kau(atau lebih berat). Sebab tu derang tak terdaya nak lebih-lebih macam kat skolah dulu. Tak percaya? sila lihat newsfeed kau. Boleh kata semua kawan kau tengah emo, bukan? boleh kata semua orang rasa dipinggirkan sekarang ni. Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



9. Kau rasa semua orang lagi hebat dari kau.Kau mula rasa " aku dah hidup nak dekat suku abad, apa contribution aku kat dunia ni?". Semua orang tengah buat benda yang lagi best dari kau. Kau tahu kau kena bersyukur, dan memang kau bersyukur, tapi perasaan cemburu itu masih ada. Ironic gila, kawan yang kau rasa cemburu tu pun cemburu kat kau. Buru-buru cemburu? Hahaha. Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



10. Walaupun sekarang ni kau rasa hidup dan dunia ni sungguh palat, masih ada sedikit ruang dalam akal dan hati kau yang berkata "It's not so bad, I think I'll make it, I just don't know how yet." Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.



According to Wikipedia, characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include

* realizing that the pursuits of one's peers are useless
* confronting their own mortality
* watching time slowly take its toll on their parents, only to realize they are next
* insecurity regarding the fact that their actions are meaningless
* insecurity concerning ability to love themselves, let alone another person
* insecurity regarding present accomplishments
* re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
* lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
* disappointment with one's job
* nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
* tendency to hold stronger opinions
* boredom with social interactions
* loss of closeness to high school and college friends
* financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
* loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
* desire to have children
* a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself
* frustration with social skills

Ada rasa macam kena batang hidung sendiri? Inilah Quarter-life Crisis.

Tips untuk suvive di Universiti itu.

I was watching L'arc En Ciel's TransASIA via Paris concert until I get to the part where Ken got hurt on stage, and I got so upset, so I decided to stop for awhile and recuperate. Drama gila, I know!!! *prays Ken would be alright to continue, cause he is such a sexy-guitar-wielding-machine*.



Since I have *ehemm* experience in surviving UIA, I shall bestow on you minions how to survive it, if you still have to lah (cepat ah sikit graduate! :P). This note could also be useful, if you have plans on sending your siblings/children/enemies to this institution. Do include this manual in their taaruf kit, seriously, it's the least that you could do. Wait a minute. APSAL KAU KEJAM GILA NAK HANTAR ANAK KAU MASUK UIA,HAH????!!!(I'm kidding mama and ayah, you know I love you)



I have no idea what's survive in Bahasa, is there a word for it in Bahasa? Maybe I should invent a new word. The word 'survive' shall be called "menglembu" in Bahasa until DBP decides to move their weight around and come up with new words. Or at least someone with a better command of Bahasa calls me out for being " tatau malu orang melayu tatau berbahasa melayu dengan hebat" which I totally am. Moving on, thennnnn.....



First day of Taaruf

Congratulations to your parents for finally succeeding in persuading you (read: dragging you) to the Matriculation Centre. You feel awkward and scared, I know. Why are these people wearing oversized kurung batik (it's UIA, duh)? Why are they of the same color? How are you going to survive the years? Don't worry! Look around you. Do you see anyone as miserable as you are? Do you see anyone that the parents LITERALLY have to drag them out of the car? Anyone bawling their eyes out? Approach these people. They're gonna be your friends for the rest of your lives. Scared with the overzealous speech that they gave during Taaruf? Call your Taman Tun, eh, I mean school friends to bitch and whine about it (preferably during the talk, so you can tune it out). ALWAYS go back home whenever you have the opportunity in order to remind yourself of who you actually are. Keep your friends close, and avoid eye contact with "THEM". If you're lucky, you'll get extremely wonderful roommates like the ones I had in Matric :-)



Making Friends

This is a tricky situation. Making new friends in a new environment is hard enough. Making friends in UIA is like trying to communicate with alien life forms, you never know whether they're really there or not. I don't believe that misery loves company. I believe company loves misery (huh?). Anyway, I find it helpful to just scan the crowd for people who stood out. Or, just be nice to your classmates in Matric. They're also going to be your friends for life. Also, if someone likes to start their sentence with "Omaigah, I bengang gila dengan UIA bodoh ni, k! Tadi....."



Those are confirmed keepers.



Dealing with the authority

This is an uphill battle. Scratch that. This is as hard as convincing Americans that we are not building a Mosque at Ground Zero. Or as hard as convincing Prof Obiyathulla to give you an A for International Finance. Yep, that hard. I have yet manage to find a way to deal with them, usually I'll use the "flight and flee" strategy. The moment they fight, I flee. But maybe there's a way to minimize the damage. Always have a vacant look. You know, the ones that communicates blind obedience and admiration toward what little authority that these clerks actually wield. Nod your head in agreement ALL THE TIME. Smile and say thank you, even when the only thing that they do is move their mouth to say "Akak pun tak tahu lah. Nak buat camne, dah takdir" when you can't register for your next semester's subjects because the system has blocked you from registering due to the supposed debt that you have with the University (even though when you pay your fees promptly at the start of the semesters, it doesn't matter)



Dealing with Pak Guard

I'm good at this!!! I'm so proud to say I've been driving my car since first year and up to the final semester I never did apply for any car sticker. The trick is, when the pak guard stops you at the main gate, buat muka comel (only applies to girls, sorry). Say sorry, park your car, go through the hassle of taking that yellow form. Now, everytime your car kena tahan, tell them "Saya duduk Nusaibah, pengetua selalu takde" and show them that form as proof. Repeat till next semester. In the event that your car kena saman, go to the office, appeal, and write this on the Comment Part. "Mak bapak saya pergi honeymoon/ jumpa orang sakit, jadi saya terpaksa berulang alik ke rumah untuk menjaga adik-adik saya yang masih kecil dan bersekolah. Saya tidak akan mengulangi kesalahan ini lagi". Repeat till final semester. But most of the pak guard is nice, when they stop you, just do the peace sign and give salam. They'll shake their head and let you pass. If you're a guy, I don't know, offer them ciggies? (don't do this if you're a girl, nak kena pelempang ngan pak guard?)


Dealing with studies and lecturers

Don't plagiarise other people's work. Sia-sia kau dapat scroll nanti, tabley nak rasa bangga, sebab kau tahu, hakikatnya kau masih bodoh. Be honest to your lecturer, even if that means telling them that the reason you didn't go to class was because you just don't have the mood for it. They're not bad, really. As long as you participate, and deliver, who cares if you don't come to class? Derang pun pernah Gila-Gila Remaja jugak, no matter how long ago that was. (Centuries, I presume? :P). I've observed people during class time, and I have to be honest (even if it means offending people), that people are just not into seeking knowledge. You're there in class, but you're never really THERE. I know I may not be the one to talk, but it's like your only aim is to pass/ get an A/ increase CGPA, which I vehemently disagree. People tell me that I'm smart, and they'll cite my CGPA as proof, but really I'm not. The reason why I got those marks weren't because I studied, or I was born smart like some would claim, but it was because I love to learn. My passion to know made me who I am. Let's see the cause and effect events. I love to seek knowledge, therefore I question. When I question, I understand. When I understand, I'm satisfied and happy. The marks was just the effect from those chain of events, it was never the CAUSE. Change your mindset, and i promise you, you'll feel that you truly deserve the scroll when you walk up to that stage on your Convocation Day :)



Wheeewww, that was long.

Creatures of Habit (Part 1)

If you don't want to read preachy stuff, skip this. Actually, scratch that, you need to read this.

No matter how incredibly messed up your life is right now, you would still like to think that you have certain boundaries. Boundaries that you will never cross. I'm sure all of us have that justification that tries to convince others, and more importantly, ourselves, that hey, you're not a complete loss. Stuffs like,

"I drink but at least I don't do drugs"
"I do drugs, but at least I don't sell"
"I sell drugs, but at least I don't sell it to kids"

But what if, one day, you decide to say "Screw it, just this once"? Let's play up a situation, shall we?

Ali swore that all though he goes clubbing often, he would never touch the notorious air kencing setan. "Wehh, aku tau la perangai aku cuma mulia sikit je dari perangai setan, tapi aku memang TAK AKAN minumlah. Aku masih ada agama."

Never say never.

It looks like harmless fun. I mean, he has been trying to avoid it since he started hanging out with his friends. His friends called him anti-social, accusing him of not living in the moment, rationalising by saying "ko tak minum pun, ko rasa ko masuk syurga ke? Tengok ah, kat neraka pon ko jiran dengan aku jugak."


Enter his 21st Birthday Celebration.

"Dude, you just have to drink, It's your birthday!"

"Well, OK, just this once". Ali drank his inaugural alcoholic beverage with guilt. Thoughts like I shouldn't, how am I suppose to face my parents, how am I suppose to answer to God were in his mind. He mentally sworn off alcohols, and probably spent the next day,or even weeks contemplating about the mistake that he did.

Moving on, a few months since after the incident had passed. He went out for another night of fun, and the same thing happened. Friends coaxed him, he relented, feeling a bit guilty. Repeat steps. Repeat steps until one day, his friends stopped coaxing him. Why? because he has successfully taken his own initiative of ordering that drink without anyone's help.

"Ala, aku cuma minum sikit je, and only on special occasions". At this point, I would like to ask you, what happenned to his conscience? You know, the one that has been bugging him when he first take that first drink?

Soon, Ali starts to invent "special occasions" to drink. After running out of special occasions, he decided to throw excuses out, and start drinking on a regular basis. Air kencing setan yang selama ni dia sumpah tamau minum dah jadi macam air Coke. In fact, Coke pun dia jarang minum. "Gila kau, nak kena diabetes? Hari tu aku tgk YouTube, derang pakai Coke nak cuci jamban, kau tau?" said Ali.

Haaaaa...panjang kan cerita ni? Apa motif? ada orang terasa ke sekarang? yang rasa diri dia tu tak terasa tu, apa ko buat? mengangguk kepala tanda setuju sambil berkata "tulah, padan muka org yg minum tu, kan dah kene tepek kat muka!"?

Post ini bukanlah untuk menghentam orang yang kaki minum. It's just a general observation on the things that we have done. Look at one vice of yours, and try to remember, how did it all start? Was the situation something similar to the above's situation? If so, why did it have to go like this? Why do we keep on repeating the same thing?


Ever watched City of Gods? The part where they explained Knockout Ned's penchant for murder?


The first time . . .
. . .Knockout Ned saved a dealer from Redhead.
We said no killings. It's a rule!
The second time, Redhead saved Knockout Ned.
Knockout Ned learned that rules have exceptions.
An exception .
the third time, the exception became a rule.


So what happens when we finally cross our imaginary boundaries?


I remind myself, before I remind others.

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel

Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

They kept saying that you're here, there, somewhere. Dude, give it up already. You're being as elusive as ever, and it stopped being funny ages ago. Can you just come out of your hiding? People say you're awesome and I kinda need some help fighting these demons away. Pretty, please?





Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

Today, the Demons introduced me to another demon. What a surpirse, it was inside me all along! Most of the time, I can ignore them, you know, treat them like white noise. But there are days when they scare the living lights off me (Get it, get it? LOL). I told them to play somewhere else, but man, are they persistent or what??!! Their tagteam games are brutal. Just sayin. By the way, did you get my messages before?





Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

OK, I'm starting to think that you might not exist. But whatever, here's the deal. I'll fight them, and whatever that comes my way, not because of some Herculean strength that I have, not because I'm optimistic that I could win, but because I have to. I'll do this with or without anyone's help, for as long as I can (and I bet you, it will be a long time). I'll trudge my way along this path until I found you, and hell, if I don't, I'll still, most definitely, will make it through, hopefully with limbs and mind still intact. Damn, that's a lot of unnecessary commas and clauses.





Dear Light-At-The-End-Of-The-Tunnel,

You better be worth all these fights.

Do NOT impose your ideologies on me

I don't need them.
You don't have to prove anything to me.
Whatever you have to say, I've probably heard of it.

And hell yeah, I respected it as your choice.
I might not agree with it, my whole essence might scream "Nayy!~"
But I'll fight with you to defend your right of making that choice.

But please oh, please,
I do NOT want your ideologies to be rubbed on my face.
So effing what if you're (insert minority/radical group)?
It's neither a blessing nor a curse,
It is what it is.
Other people might gave you hell for it, but I don't.

So pergi la main jauh-jauh.

Of Cheese Sandwich

So I made a grilled cheese sandwich just now, cause I was hungry. Offered it to my dad, and had one of the most random conversation ever with my dad.

Dad: Why all of a sudden you learn how to cook?
Me: Cause I have a lot of spare time.
Dad: *looks cynical*. Who's the guy?
Me:Huh?
Dad: The guy that you learned how to cook for.
Me: Hah???Mana ada sesapa. You people said I cannot cook,so now I cook la (I can, I just don't cook for my family =P)
Dad: *looks cynical* Betul ke ni?
Me: Betullah!
Dad: OK. Baguslah belajar masak. It will be useful when you're living alone.

Only after finishing off the sandwich did I realise the last remark was an insult =_="

30 Hari Mencari Cik Muse

Dah lebih sebulan duduk dekat rumah menganggur. Apa pencapaian aku?

Tiada pencapaian.

Oleh itu, sebab aku mahu start gatal menulis kembali, tapi kurang idea, saya curik idea dari Cik Tasha untuk ikut sama projek 30 hari menulis. Jadi mari saya membebel,eh,menulis dengan entri pertama

Day 01- Your Favourite Song

Memang susah nak pinpoint favourite song aku yang mana. Terlampau banyak. Tapi sebab aku baru beli CD Malique and the Essentials dan tengah masyuk melayan lagu-lagu mereka, aku taruk kat sini lagu Mata Hati telinga .

Satu cerita tentang manusia
Coba 'tuk memahami arti cinta
Benarkah cinta diatas segalanya
Hanyakah itu satu-satunya

Yang menjadi alasan untuk menutup mata
Tak melihat dunia yang sesungguhnya
Dan menjadi jawaban atas semua tanya
Yang kita harap mampu mewujudkan sebuah akhir bahagia

Buka mata hati telinga
Sesungguhnya masih ada yang lebih penting dari sekedar kata cinta
Yang kau inginkan tak selalu
Yang kau butuhkan mungkin memang yang paling penting
Cobalah untuk membuka mata hati telinga

Adakah kau rasakan kadang hati dan fikiran
Tak selalu sejalan seperti yang kau harapkan
Tuhan tolong tunjukkan apa yang 'kan datang
Hikmah dari semua misteri yang tak terpecahkan


Indah bukan liriknya? Aku tafsirkan "cinta" yang dimaksudkan di sini adalah cinta sesama seorang perempuan dan lelaki (bf/gf punya cintun la).Aku sebenarnya dah penat gila jawab soalan kawan-kawan/ sedara-mara yang cakap:

"You dah ada boyfriend? Tipulah takde!"
"Kenapa you takde boyfriend"
"You ni memilihlah!"(Ini tipu. Bukan aku yang memilih, tapi orang lain yang memilih.haha!)
"Camne you boleh hidup takde bf?"(pakai oksigen la!)
"Tak takut ke nanti suma dah kena rembat?"
"Orang kata, time universiti la cari bf. Bila dah kerja nanti semua dah ada yang punya"(Kalau ikut logik yang tak logik ini, memang konfem aku single sampai mati, lagipun aku dulu kat UIA, laki normal macam haram susah nak carik.)

Penatlah layan orang yang hidup dia cuma untuk bercintan-cintun ni. Cen't you guys open up your world just a little bit more? Macam lagu ni cakap, betulkah cinta itu mengatasi segalanya, sampai kita tak mahu melihat realiti dunia atau realiti situasi diri sendiri?

Sometimes the heart should follow the mind, sometimes the heart should tell the mind to stay at home and stop interfering-Unknown

But most of the time, the heart can be plain retarded. Especially when you've ignored it for a long time. Which is probably why the brain is anatomically designed to be on top. Mata dan telinga juga berada dekat sekali dengan bahagian otak,bukan?

See with your eyes, listen with your ears, deduce with your brain and act with a heart.